People say the craziest things to adoptees! Don’t they? There are things you just shouldn’t say to adoptees. I get it; adoption is an awkward topic to speak about. However, it does not excuse the words you choose to use or what leaves your mouth. At the mention of someone saying, “I am adopted,” people tense up and get verbal diarrhea saying anything that comes to mind with no filter in hopes to relate or whatever. When you meet an adoptee, just chill. Be cool. You don’t have to touch on the subject or say anything because when you do, nine times out of ten, you are going to say something you should have never said. With that said, here are 10 things you should never say to an adoptee:
When you meet an adoptee, just chill. Be cool. You don’t have to touch on the subject or say anything extra, because when you do, nine times out of ten, you are going to say something you should have never said. Also, you don’t have to try to relate and say your mom or dad was never really in the picture or that you grew up feeling like you were adopted. Just relax and listen if we feel like digging deeper into the conversation about being adopted.
With that said, here are ten things you should never say to an adoptee:
1. I wish I were adopted; you’re lucky.
2. You should be grateful to be adopted.
3. You will get over your feelings in time; it’s just a phase.
4. You look just like your adoptive parents.
5. Your birth mother gave you up for adoption out of love.
6. You are special because you were chosen.
7. I understand how you feel; I never felt like my parents loved me either.
8. At least your mom didn’t have an abortion.
9. At least you have a better life. Your mom could have been poor or on drugs.
10. Why are you so angry about being adopted? You have a family that chose you and loves you.
Have you heard any of these before? What comebacks do you have when people say these things to you? For example, when someone tells me how lucky I am to be adopted, the only thing that comes to my mind is how much grief, trauma, and loss I have experienced. Is that really considered lucky? Lucky is winning the lotto or finding a hundred dollar bill at the park. Now that is “lucky.” Or what about when people ask, why are you so angry about being adopted? Unfortunately, most people don’t know that when you are adopted you often lose your identity, your culture, your birth records are closed including your medical history. You receive an amended birth certificate erasing the names of you gave birth to you and possibly more. That should be enough to make anyone angry.
What have people said to you about being adopted? Post your answers in the comment section.
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