5 Tips to Survive the Adoption Holiday Blues

    It is that time again that many adoptees, foster youth, and birth mothers dread, the holidays. A time where you want to kick Santa so far back to the North Pole and put on your Grinch swag on and call it a night until it all blows over. I get it. I totally do! Most of us have experienced the holiday blues at some point missing our birth family or loved ones.

    But listen, you can’t stay down every holiday season. Don’t do that to yourself anymore. I have spent over ten years locked up in my room crying under my comforter boycotting all Christmas and New year activities, including church! Church was the worst for me during the holidays. I could not take the Christmas carols, the jolly spirits, the gift giving, and most of all…seeing FAMILIES together. Ugh.

    It crippled me.

    It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I decided I would stop playing the Grinch-et. I decided that I will create my own holiday tradition. I would create the holiday that I want to experience (sometimes you have to take matters into your hands) or surround myself with others that need a little cheering up too.

    Below are 5 Tips I have created that have helped me survive the holiday blues:

    Stay away from places or things that trigger loss, anger, sadness, or trauma 

    Declare boundaries for yourself and don’t make anyone make you do anything you don’t want to do or are ready to do! But also remember, that sometimes it takes stepping out on faith and facing sadness and fears in the face to overcome the things that cause the holiday blues.

    Volunteer your time, talents, & love

    There is no describing the feeling of being a blessing to someone’s life. Look up your local soup kitchens or shelters to volunteer at, or bring some holiday cheer to those in the streets, hospitals or nursing homes with no family. You just might find a new tribe to join and call family forever.

    Reach out to friends and see where they will be spending the holidays 

    Just when you thought you were the only one on the planet spending the holidays alone, the truth is, you are not. I bet there is someone close to you that is feeling the holiday blues too and could use a hot cup of tea, coffee, cocktail, dinner, or heck, someone to just talk to. Don’t be afraid to open up. Hibernation and isolation perpetuate depression. Don’t be a victim. Kick those sad feelings in butt!

    Plan for your EPIC new year

    If you are lucky enough to be off of work for the holidays for a day or more, use that time to be creative. Set goals, start a new workout regiment, rid your house of junk and old painful memories, and don’t forget to clean out your mind, too. Out with the negativity and in with the positivity!

    Change your perspective

    The half empty half full glass perspective plays a major role in how successful we will be in our personal lives. As painful as the loneliness can be, it is up to us to do something about it. You know as I always say, “PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN!” Try your hardest to find the blessing in the storm. Find the good in every situation. There is always some good in the bad if you look close enough. I promise.

    How are you surviving the holiday blues? Post your answers below. 

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    Jessenia Parmer
    Jessenia Parmer
    I'm Jessenia. I am an adult adoptee with 10 years of experience advocating and fostering relationships with adoptees, and over five years of experience teaching adoptive parents how to have a successful and genuine relationship with their adopted child.

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