Every adoptee at some point wants and needs answers about his or her birth mother and family. They want a connection, answers, peace, and love. What do you when you have been rejection and lied to by your birth family?
Why didn’t you fight to keep me?
Please don’t tell me you love me then abruptly stop speaking to me.
Every time a family member rejects me another suicidal thought crosses my mind.
Although I look like I have my life together, I’m always hurting on the inside.
Being around you only makes me feel sad over the time I lost.
Please don’t make excuses for my birthmother’s actions.
Please don’t lie for my birthmother.
Please validate my feelings.
I am afraid to get close to you.
Please don’t compare my adoption experience to something in your life.
I hate being someone’s dirty, little secret.
Adoption causes so many lies that I can no longer tell who is telling me the truth.
I deserve the truth.
Some nights I think about you and cry myself to sleep.
What am I supposed to tell my children about you?
Any opportunity I had to be someone’s sister, aunt, niece, or cousin was taken from me.
Please don’t pretend like anything happened.
Make an effort to have a relationship with me.
Nothing you say will change anything.
I will never be a complete part of your family again.
Please don’t end an apology with an excuse.
I need to know you won’t leave me again.
Adoption is a lifelong trauma.
I was born December 21, 1981, as Sybil Marie Ezeff, yet that isn’t the name on my birth certificate. I haven’t even seen the real one. People should know the family name I once held. As many things as I want to tell my adoptive parents, I discovered there are even more things I want to tell my birth family.What do you want your birth family to know?
V. Marie I am a reunited adoptee from Louisiana. I earned my B.A. in sociology from The University of New Orleans in 2005. My experience through adoption lead me to earn my M.A. in Community Counseling from Webster University in 2013.
I was adopted at six weeks old. My adoptive parents love me very much, but they weren’t ready to deal with the challenges that came with an adopted child. They supported me my entire life, but they could not heal my pain. As I grew up, I began to see even more differences between my adoptive family and myself. I longed to know where I fit belonged. Around the year 2005, I began actively searching. I had doors slammed in my face and others who told me to give up and be grateful for what I had. I found my birthmother around 2012, and it was hardly the heartfelt reunion I had hoped for. However, I will not let that stop me from seeking the truth and searching for my birthfather and my brother. I have to be strong and keep going. The fact is that I was an unwanted baby. My birthmother made a conscience decision not to be a mother to her children. My birth family will never understand what I have gone through emotionally as an adopted person. I am still treated like an outsider by many of them. I have been fortunate to be welcomed by a handful of cousins. And although they have good intentions, they will never understand my loss and the pain I feel when I’m around them. I believe that adoption can a beautiful thing, but we have to remember that it doesn’t without loss. What I yearn for most is to have a family of my own.
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