Resources Adoptees Deserve At No Cost
Free mental health counseling with a therapist that specializes in the effects of adoption on adoptees
Seriously, when are people going to realize that adoption is linked to trauma and loss? This is not rocket science, guys. Free mental counseling should be in every adoption package for an adoptee for life. I am not talking about any old therapist or even one that specializes in adoption. I am speaking of a therapist that specializes solely in adoptee issues – loss, trauma, rejection, search, and reunion. A therapist that is #teamadoptees
No matter how well adjusted I may seem to be in society, I can openly admit I need counseling. I believe every adoptee does. The older you are as an adoptee the more profound loss and trauma can become. But why in hell am I left to foot the bill of $175 plus an hour just to have someone help me sort out the issues I have that I have no control over? I didn’t put myself in this situation, my birth mother did. Then we wonder why adoptees are more apt to suffer from addictions and are more likely to attempt suicide than those not adopted. Adoptees need help, and we should not have to pay for it! Besides, who has that type of money to toss around weekly, or even monthly. Most of us are just trying to keep the lights on in our home…and our mind.
Free Medical History Records
We can all agree that early detection is the best prevention, right? Do you know how many lives would be saved and how much time and money would be saved if adoptees knew their medical history? It would avoid all the unnecessary tests and surgeries that apparently an adoptee would be paying for had he or she known what they were predisposed to. Adoptees have to pay to access their non-identifying information that includes their medical records, and in a few states have to wait until they are 18 years old unless they can prove to a judge that he or she is in dire need of this information for medical purposes. In the worse case, an adoptee has to hire an attorney to obtain this document, and god knows how much that will cost.
How does this even make sense? Why do adoptees have to pay to know their medical history?
Free Access to Open Adoption Records
Ah, the fight continues for equal access to adoption records. Did you know that adoptees are the ONLY population in the world that does not have access to their original birth certificate? Also, did you know that adoptees have an amended (falsified) birth certificate that leads one to believe that the parents names listed on the birth certificate are the people that gave birth, when in reality they are not? They are adoptive parents, not the people that gave birth. Can you imagine spending your entire life thinking your adoptive parents gave birth to you and they did not? Talk about being pissed about being lied to.
In closed adoption states, adoptees have to file to petition the court (costs money) that handled his or her adoption to view sealed records. Upon accessing the records, adoptees invest hundreds and even thousands of hours trying to put the pieces of their life together in hopes to find their birth family. For those that don’t have the time or even the emotional strength to spend hours or years searching, adoptees have to hire private investigators to facilitate the search of their birth family.
Free Private Investigators
Someone, PLEASE tell me why I have to pay to search for my birth family?
I remember when I began my search for my birth mother and family years ago. I was in college and struggling like most college students. I would have days I felt I could not function because of my desire to know who I was. I had to find my birth family. The depression was REAL. I did a Google search, and BAM OmniTrace came right up. Desperate and vulnerable for answers like most adoptees, I filled out the form online, and they gave me a call. Within minutes they were asking me to cough up over $1000! They have the nerve to say they are fair priced and affordable on their website. Affordable to whom? I told them I would give them a callback and I cried my eyes out because I did not have the money, and I so desperately wanted to find myself and my family. I later learned that people have spent thousands of dollars through OmniTrace and have yet to find their birth family or get a refund after being misled.
How can we possibly think that it is right to charge an adoptee a fee for any of these resources? I don’t care if the fee was 50 cents to reunite with our birth mother, it is wrong!
I am tired of agencies and people preying on vulnerable adoptees that are desperate to find a piece of themselves. Businesses have figured out a way to capitalize on adoptees and suck the life out of us penny by penny.
My prayer is for adoptee advocacy groups to grow in alarming numbers and that our voices become powerful enough to create change. I pray laws change and lives are saved my opening adoption records and providing adoptees with free mental health counseling from the therapist of their choice that specializes in adoptee trauma. I pray more people open their hearts to adoptees and join the fight with us all even if they aren’t affected by adoption. This is an issue of humanity. We deserve to know who we are. We deserve to have all these resources provided to us free of charge till the day we die. Being adopted isn’t a feeling that goes away. It will always be a part of our life. We will always feel and be adopted.
15 Comments
I think medical records should be mandatory. We have zero info on our son's genetic makeup or medical history. We're going to do genetic testing when he is older to see if he is predisposed to certain diseases like cancer, heart disease, etc. However, testing can only detect a handful of diseases so he'll still be at a major disadvantage.
Hi Kristin, medical history is incredibly important. I am not even sure how there isn't an adoption law that protects adoptees or is for the adoptee in this matter. One of my good friends is an adoptee and was ill for for a couple of years. Doctors misdiagnosed her multiple times complicating her condition. It wasn't until she met her birth mother did she share her symptoms with her and her birth mother was able to tell her what she was predisposed to. Immediately she seen a specialist and a couple months later began her road to recovery. Not only that, birth parents need to be more forthcoming with their own medical history information to provide to agencies. I am glad you are doing all that you can for your your son. It can possibly save his life in the long run.
Doesn't make a difference how forthcoming first mothers are in talking to agencies about their health history. 18 years between relinquishment and adulthood assuming you don't need the history sooner. A lot can happen in that time. Let's say you're 20 when you give up your baby, 18 years later you are 38 and edging into heart-attack and breast-cancer territory. Just for a couple examples. I could argue this is why you don't have *adoption*, period–you find some other way to help moms in crisis, and if the mom (and dad) absolutely can't keep the child, place the child within the family. That way there's always an awareness of history and what's going on.
I totally agree with you. Keeping it in the family is way better for the child. Instead of spending thousands on adopting ,and them not giving you the medical history or the possible relatives.
Hi Kristin, medical history is incredibly important. I am not even sure how there isn't an adoption law that protects adoptees or is for the adoptee in this matter. One of my good friends is an adoptee and was ill for for a couple of years. Doctors misdiagnosed her multiple times complicating her condition. It wasn't until she met her birth mother did she share her symptoms with her and her birth mother was able to tell her what she was predisposed to. Immediately she seen a specialist and a couple months later began her road to recovery. Not only that, birth parents need to be more forthcoming with their own medical history information to provide to agencies. I am glad you are doing all that you can for your your son. It can possibly save his life in the long run.
I agree 100 percent with this article. The adoptive parents already paid a lot of money to adopt us in the first place ; the least they can do is give us these services for free. You have to pay to search for your biological parents. You got pay to adopt. You got to pay to pull the papers out of the file. It's just sad that this is what adoption is known for( MONEY).
I could not agree with you more. These services should be free and given to all adoptee the moment they are adopted. It should be in every adoptees file. Maybe then we can begin to justify where all the money goes or where it is spent when we are speaking up adoption in the thousands.
the agencies will never tell their little secretes .
and agencies covering up there dirty work. contacting my half sister ;when they werent suppose to. the hiring that dont know what they are doing.
Right on . Thank you for this post
Hi Lesley, thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.
We are the lost tribe, this will change when we are ready to start coming together, no one can change it but us.
An email from a friend, who has an open adoption… something an adopted child needs to consider when judging their adoptive parents.
I just got a long text from my DD's bmom telling me how desperate she is, and asked me for some money.
DD is 14 months old, and the adoption was final long ago.
Bmom is a beautiful, smart, charismatic woman with tons of potential. She also happens to be a meth addict, and is currently sleeping in her car. She says she's stopped using drugs (only in the past few days, I'm sure) and has got a job lined up, needs money to stay in a motel so she can be safe and warm. She says once she starts her job, she'll be able to pay for the motel herself.
Truth is – I know she's manipulating me. I know her mother and grandmother have been giving her money, and now they are done because they don't want to support her when she'll do nothing to help herself. She probably does have a job lined up – and based on her history, it will last less then a week.
I have suggested in the past that she consider going to detox, a shelter or a program in the past – she always refuses.
She implied that she's not coming to be because she gave me a baby, and I "owe" her – rather, I'm her last hope. Family has given up on her, and her friends are all drug addicts and she's worn out her welcome crashing at everyone's house.
On a side note – when my DD was born, something happened in the hospital (I'm not sure what) that lead the social worker to report her to CPS (she has a 3 year old DD that she was parenting – sort of – with a lot of help from her mother). Well, after this CPS report was filed, she was no longer allowed to be alone with her daughter, so her mom and daughter moved out – and now, 14 months later, she barely sees DD #1. To add insult to injury – her mom/grandma hired my adoption attorney to try to make DD#1's placement with them permanent.
I'm just feeling heartbroken for her. I hate that she's sleeping in a car. I also know that she has been offered a lot of help – but it' not the help she wants. She wants money, not therapy or drug treatment. She wants to stay at a hotel, not a shelter.
I am also feeling resentful. She is absolutely playing the "I gave you a baby" card. After DD was born, I did pay for therapy for her for several months, then she quit. I have helped her with rent before (but in that case, she was doing ok, earned most of the money and just fell a little short). She was trying to help herself, and I wanted to support that.
Feeling sad.
Update: I texted her back and said that she's given me a lot to think about, it's a big request and I need a little time.
Her response back "A big request? I gave you my daughter for God's sake".
I knew that was coming – but it still hurtful.